Love

I Know Better

/ melissamid / 1 Comment

Expectations and hope are not the same things.

pexels-photo-172502.jpeg

I’ve been reflecting on the differences between expectations and hopes as I wrap up my practicum internship in a counseling office, and as I consider Mother’s Day quickly approaching. Expectations can get us in big trouble. Hope can pull us through trouble.

When I started the internship at the counseling office, I expected that by the end, I would have developed enough skill and confidence to feel like I knew what I was doing in at least one area. However, as the end of the semester neared, I became impatient and concerned because I wasn’t seeing the progress I thought I was supposed to see. Instead of feeling more confident, I was feeling less capable and overwhelmed with all that I didn’t know. It turns out, according to my supervisor, that’s quite normal, and it’s a good sign. This is how good counselors are made. I decided to trust her experience, allow myself more time, and hope that I develop into that kind of counselor. I’ve had more than one professor tell me to trust the process.

The concentrated experience of the practicum learning curve gave me new insight into the learning curve of being a parent and daughter.

As a child, I was obedient, kind to others, ready to serve, and put my needs aside for the sake of others. This is what I was taught to do, and how I believed God wanted me to live. I expected that my sacrifices and kindnesses would be noticed, appreciated, and I would be more liked and favored. I would earn being loved.

That didn’t happen.

Disillusionment gave way to festering bitterness and anger that almost destroyed some of the most important relationships in my life, especially with my mom. Having an analytical nature, I formed opinions for when I was going to have the opportunity to be in control, to make my own decisions. And when the time came for me to leave home, I told my mom –

I know better.

From my 22 years of life experience, I believed I had the answers to making things work out the right way. I just needed the opportunity to prove it. My husband and I had similar ideas of what raising a family was supposed to look like. He and I did a lot of things the “right way.” We weren’t perfect, but we worked together as a team, complimenting each other’s strengths and weaknesses. We practiced demonstrating love in such a way that we expected there would never be any doubt in our children’s minds of how much we loved them. Families are like recipes, you put in the right ingredients, follow the instructions, and everything comes out like the Instagram perfect picture you expect. Right?

IMG_2340

Mother’s Day Breakfast

Well, now I know better.

The truth is, my parents loved my siblings and me. They still do. But when life is hard and there are things beyond our control, we don’t always feel loved. Sometimes, we get angry and reject the love of those who love us the most. We compare our lives with someone else who seems to have something better, and we feel gipped, neglected, or that we somehow missed the mark and are the ones lacking. The truth is, we live in a fallen world where even the best love we have to offer can be missed, misunderstood, or even misapplied. As a parent, I know there have been times I misapplied my love. Who among us can show perfect love?

But then there’s hope.

Instead of expectations based on my abilities, I am learning how to be patient with myself, and with others. I am learning how to extend and accept grace in ways I could never imagine before now. And to be perfectly honest, I see now that I don’t have as much control over the outcome of things as I imagined. Letting go of expectations makes more room for hope. Honest hope and faith. My children are now young adults, and guess what, I’m still on a learning curve. I thought I had it figured out back when I started, and if not then, certainly by now. See how those “I know better” expectations can trip you up?

Mother’s Day is on my mind. With my children no longer dependent on me for daily living, Mother’s Day feels different, like somehow, I’m no longer really part of the mommy club. That makes me consider how my mom must have felt as we all became adults. I regret the pain I inflicted on my mom with the words I said to her. Over two decades later, my mom and I have worked very hard to find a new way to relate and understand each other. Neither one of us gave up hope. And she’s still my mom.

God continues to teach me new things, new ways of relating to Him. I still fall into the trap of trying to earn God’s favor (love) by trying to do things the right way. We can’t earn God’s love. We already have it. My mom forgave me and never stopped loving me. My own children have my and my husband’s love no matter what. We know that, but do they? Did we make that clear enough? I hope so.

As a counselor, I recognize the trap of placing my own expectations on my clients. That doesn’t help anyone. It actually can make things much worse. Ah, but what does help is guiding them to find hope. Hope that things can get better, that the way things are now is not how it will always be.

The trials of my life caused me to doubt God’s love for me, my parents’ love for me, and my self-worth. As a young adult, I thought I could do things on my own, my way, and get it right. I thought if I read enough and gave enough, it would be enough.

I know better.

There’s a learning curve to life. Things don’t always work out how we expect. And here I am, still learning how to trust God. God is patient, and I know he sees how much more practice I need to learn how to do this parenting thing. He reminded me recently, I am His child. My husband is His child. My children are His children. He is enough.

IMG_2767

Hope leaves room for more possibilities!

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV)

These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold–though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. 1 Peter 1:7 (NLT)

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us. For the creation eagerly waits with anticipation for God’s sons to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to futility – not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it – in the hope that the creation itself will also be set free from the bondage of corruption into the glorious freedom of God’s children. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together with labor pains until now. And not only that, but we ourselves who have the Spirit as the firstfruits – we also groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. Now in this hope we were saved, yet hope that is seen is not hope, because who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with patience. Romans 8:18 – 25 (HCS)

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. Hebrews 11:1 (NLT)

 

 

 

 

Precious and Valuable

/ melissamid / Leave a comment

Last week, I posted the first lesson from a Bible study I wrote, Daughters and Disciples, several years ago before my daughter graduated high school.  Purity was about having a pure heart devoted to following God. However, it’s kind of hard to want to follow God completely if you don’t really have a close relationship with Him.

What keeps us from being in a close relationship with God, with Jesus?

I remember in junior high school, this boy was interested in me. At some point while we were at the local skating rink with a group of friends he told me he loved me. I was like, “You don’t even know me.” His declaration of love turned out to push me away instead of causing me to be more interested.  How can someone who doesn’t know me use such strong language of affection?

red-vintage-shoes-sport.jpg

 

Many of us have heard and seen the message that – Jesus loves you!

Jesus loves you

But do you trust that? I wrote about trusting God’s love for us last January in the posts, Blind to Love and If You Love Me . . . .  I could really take the time to explore how well God knows us, but I think I did that very well in those two posts.  You can also read Psalm 139 if you want to read more about the depth of care and thought God has for us.

This lesson is more about our worth and value. It may be helpful to read Proverbs 31: 10 – 31 before reading further.  I’m adapting the lesson for the blog, and I’m going to try to make it a little shorter than last week – more user-friendly.  So here goes:

More Precious than Rubies – You are precious and valued by God

pexels-photo-567983.jpeg

The objective here is for you to gain a better understanding of your value in who you are, who God made you to be – each in your own unique way. My hope is that you will come to appreciate the love God has for you, how He delights in you, and to not be susceptible to the world’s idea of who – and what – is valuable.

Read the first line of Proverbs 31; then read the next section on wisdom.

  • Proverbs 31: 10 [b] (NIV) – 11 A wife of noble character who can find?
 She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her
 and lacks nothing of value.

 

  • Proverbs 3:13-20 (NIV) Blessed are those who find wisdom,
 those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver
 and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies;
nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand;
 in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways,
 and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her;
 those who hold her fast will be blessed. By wisdom the Lord laid the earth’s foundations,
 by understanding he set the heavens in place; by his knowledge the watery depths were divided,
 and the clouds let drop the dew.

 Discussion Questions:

  • What are the things that make a person valuable?
  • What does our society value in a woman? What about the church?
  • What do you think about the way different cultures value women?
  • What does God value? Does He value women differently than men?

I find it interesting that the comparison of a good and virtuous wife to rubies is similar to the comparison of wisdom.

Check out this verse:

  • Psalm 111:10 (HCSB)  The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;
 all who follow His instructions have good insight.
 His praise endures forever.

Questions to Consider:

  • What value do you have for yourself?
  • Do you feel valued by the people in your life? For what?

Why It Matters.

If we don’t think we are valued, we are susceptible to all kinds of harmful actions and feelings. We become vulnerable to the lies the world tells us. We will be more prone to making choices that lead us down dangerous paths, depression, and despair. If we don’t understand our own value, then how will we recognize when others devalue us?

My Story

From my early childhood, I heard, I sang songs about, I believed – Jesus Loves Me. I heard about God’s goodness, His promises, and His love for me – going so far as to allow His Son to die for me on the cross so I could be with Him in heaven. Of course I wanted Him in my heart. I thought if I was good, then I would see good things in my life, that the promises I heard about were meant for me.

However, even though I grew up in a Christian home, there were a lot of things that weren’t good. Even though I was in church all the time, singing in the choir, memorizing verses, praying, obeying my parents, and trying to be kind even when others weren’t, I didn’t experience peace or gain confidence. In fact, many things seemed to reveal the opposite of what I thought was supposed to be true. This mostly came from the way other Christians acted towards me, my family, and even within my family. Additionally, I observed that men were considered more important as leaders and for their strength. I was a girl, too small and insignificant to matter. I was not valued. The result was I didn’t trust or believe God’s promises were true for me.

God has taught me over the years, that is a lie. During college, I was torn between wanting to please God, pleasing myself, and others. Sometimes the lie – that I really didn’t matter – won. Sometimes, I was able to hold onto the hope that I did matter to God. Overall, I lacked the confidence in knowing how much God really loved me. I don’t want you to have those doubts, and I want to share with you God’s word that reveals the truth.

  • Zephaniah 3:17 (HCSB) The Lord your God is among you, a warrior who saves. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will bring (you) quietness with His love. He will delight in you with shouts of joy.
  • Ephesians 1: 3–8 (HCSB) Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavens, in Christ; for He chose us in Him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted through Jesus Christ for Himself, according to His favor and will, to the praise of His glorious grace that He favored us with in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.

It has taken me a while to recover from the lies I believed about myself, and my place in God’s family. As a woman who fears the Lord and who seeks to live by His wisdom, I am more precious than rubies. I am honored by God, and I am honoring God.

The Big Question (Personal Quiet Time)

  • Do you think God values you?
  • Do you feel valued by God? How?

Sometimes, we have to dig deep, searching as for buried treasure, or go through trials that are difficult, but when we sincerely, and determinedly seek Truth, the outcome is a treasure – a pearl, and each pearl is unique. Don’t forget to look at the scriptures surrounding the ones referenced to get a better idea of the context in which it was used. Doing so gives you a more complete understanding and allows the Holy Spirit to teach you in a personal way.

Dig A Little Deeper (All HCSB)

If you want to learn more about what the Bible says about our role as a wife, take a look at these verses specifically about being a virtuous wife: Proverbs 12:4; Proverbs 18:22; Proverbs 19:14; and Ruth 3:11. There is also a book, Your Captivating Heart, by Stasi Eldredge. I found it very inspiring, and I use it when I fall back into the trap of undervaluing my role as a woman and wife. On pages 118 and 119, she explains the search for the best definition of the Hebrew phrase, “ezer kenegdo,” used in Genesis 2:18 when God makes Eve. It comes to mean, “desperate helper,” as in a helper who is desperately needed – not a desperate housewife!

There is so much to say about our value as women, in society, in the church, as individuals, wives, and mothers.  That would require several posts – maybe this coming summer. . .

Many of the verses I include do talk about women who are wives; however, I don’t think we have to wait to be married before being valuable to God or implementing what makes us wise women.  We are valuable to Him because He created us.

Sisters, you are valuable and precious to God, no matter what the world says. And we would be wise to remember that!

 

Purity

/ melissamid / 3 Comments

***As an update, my mom’s surgery went very well, and she’s doing great.  She still has a lot to do to adjust to her new situation, but I know she can do all things through Christ who gives her strength!***

A few years ago, I wrote a Bible study I wanted to do with my daughter’s age group. She was nearing the point of graduating high school and about to head to college and adult life. I kept thinking about all the things I had tried to teach her over the years, and I wasn’t sure I had done a good enough job. I wanted to deliberately put together the lessons with scriptural foundation as a sort of reference source, or arsenal of truth that could be brought out when needed. As she was beginning to make a lot of her own adult decisions, I knew some of the battles that she would face – things she would have to deal with on her own. I wanted to do my best to help prepare her with Godly wisdom.

IMG_2117

I am so blessed to be her mom!

 

**Please know this, I created this study from the perspective of my own experience and Bible study. I am not a theologian and do not have a degree in ministry. I pray that as you read and consider the questions, thoughts, and scriptures, you will allow the Holy Spirit to guide you through God’s word. Whether you are younger or older, may you be encouraged and draw closer to God according to His will.

As I considered the themes of each lesson and gathered the scriptures I knew applied, I learned a lot about myself. I found I was challenged in my own spiritual journey even as I was writing from experience. Realizing the lessons I compiled for these young ladies were still just as relevant to my current stage in life, I decided I should look at them again. This is the first time I am revisiting the lessons since then, and I am adapting the lessons for the blog. I know there will be some revising. I also expect fresh insight and applications as I go through them with you.

The lesson themes are: Purity, Value, Hard Work, Money, Beauty, and Kindness. Each lesson was designed for group discussion and private reflection with additional scripture references and questions to think about over a week’s period. Since we’re doing this online, take your time with it. You may share with others if you would like to have your own conversations. Keep a journal if that’s your thing.

I hope you will interact by posting comments. I do read and approve the comments before they are published, so if you submit a comment and there’s no response right away, just know I may need a little time to get to it. I should be able to do so within a day.

So, without further ado, here’s the lesson on Purity!

1oYMsxbSSSGBpdvnRYtLPg_thumb_643

Purity in Spirit

The objective here is to understand more fully what it means to have a pure heart, completely dedicated to God. Purity is more than abstaining from sexual behavior outside of marriage. It is more than just being good, which is often hard enough. Our righteousness comes through our faith in Jesus Christ. Our sanctification comes with growing in faith, knowledge and experiences. Having a pure heart comes from being open and willing to follow God’s will through whatever trials will make us stronger.

Proverbs 31: 29 – 31 (NIV) “Many women do noble things,
 but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
 but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done,
 and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Discussion Questions

  • What do you think of when you hear the word, “purity?”
  • What is purification?
  • Who is pure?
  • Describe some things that are refined and the processes that they go through.

If we are all born into sin, how can any of us have a pure heart? That’s the whole point! We can’t – not on our own. We can’t ever be good enough in our own strength. We can’t earn anything, we can’t give enough, we can’t serve enough, and we can’t be kind enough. Our activities do not make us pure. It is only by the grace of God, through His Son, Jesus Christ, that we can come to have a pure heart.

  • Psalm 12:6 (HCSB) The words of the Lord are pure words, like silver refined in an earthen furnace, purified seven times.
  • Titus 3:5 He saved us – not by works of righteousness that we had done, but according to His mercy, through the washing of regeneration and renewal by the Holy Spirit.
  • Psalm 51:10 – 12 (HCSB) God, create a clean heart for me and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not banish me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore the joy of Your salvation to me, and give me a willing spirit.

Questions To Consider

  • Once you accepted Jesus as your savior, were you able to make all the right decisions and avoid sin?
  • Do you get tired of trying to be good?
  • What matters more, what you actually choose to do, or your thoughts and desires?
  • Does God see a difference?

Why It Matters

The distinction between what we do and what is in our heart is significant because our actions originate from what is in our heart and our thoughts. Without a heart that is seeking God, our desire to do the right thing is coming from the strength of our own will. We are constantly in battle between the desires of our flesh and the desires of God’s spirit living in us. Our desire to be able to live in our own strength is at odds with trusting God. You can’t do both. And when temptation comes, we won’t have the ability to withstand it if the strength we are using is from the flesh. The selfish desires won’t stand against other selfish desires. It is our constant dilemma in being Christians. God knows this, and that is why He has given us a way through Jesus Christ, the Scripture, His Holy Spirit, and each other.

Let’s look at this dilemma as recognized in scripture.

Romans 7:14-20 The Message (MSG) I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

My Story

Towards the end of my college years, I read a book, Passion and Purity, by Elisabeth Elliot. After reading it, I remember thinking it would have been better if I had read it earlier, like when I was in high school. In it, Elisabeth describes the courtship between her and Jim Elliot, a missionary. They were truly dedicated to waiting for God’s plan and timing to work out in their love for Him and each other. They didn’t know what was going to happen. When I read it, I realized that even though I professed to love God, I didn’t completely trust Him with all parts of my life. I did not have a pure heart.

It has taken a long time for me to understand the things that kept me from trusting God. It has taken a long time to allow spaces for God to show His love for me in different parts of my life. What I’m sharing now is an exercise in that trust and faith. I am giving space for God to use what has been broken in my heart and challenging in my life to encourage and shine a light for you to see how to go forward stronger and more confidently than I did. God has been so patient and gentle with me. I am learning every day how to trust Him more and in more parts of my life. I want you to see it now, at the beginning of your adult choices.

It comes down to this word from me to you. Having a pure heart means you trust God in all areas of your life. Gaining a pure heart means you have to go through trials that will show areas of weakness in which God will renew and strengthen if you let Him. A pure heart means crying out to Him when you are weak, when you mess up, or when you feel lost and alone. Having a pure heart means joy and praise as you worship the One who made you and loves you best – laughing at the days to come. Trust and faith in the certainty of God’s love for you will give you the confidence you need to be a woman as described in Proverbs 31.

Be encouraged, it doesn’t matter if you’ve already made mistakes, those are opportunities for you to let God work in those areas. Step forward with confidence. Be it choosing a college, a career, or a spouse, God is with you wherever you go. His love endures forever. Run to Him, pray and seek Him in everything. Watch as He creates a peaceful, loving, joyful and beautiful spirit in you. You are a daughter of God!

The Big Questions

  • Are you willing to let God create in you a pure heart even though it may sometimes be hard?
  • In what areas do you recognize that you aren’t really trusting God?
  • In what ways has God shown you His faithful love?

Digging A Little Deeper (HCSB)  The following are supporting scripture references that you can look at during the week as you ponder what purity means.

  • The Book Of Ruth – About purity and loyalty
  • Psalm 73 When we see things around us that make us feel foolish for pursuing purity
  • Jeremiah 29:13 When you seek me and find me when you search with all your heart.
  • Matthew 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.
  • Colossians 3:10 Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his practices and have put on the new man, who is being renewed in knowledge according to the image of his Creator.
  • Acts 15:9 He made no distinction between us and them, cleansing their hearts by faith.
  • Hebrews 10:2, 14-17, 22-25 Otherwise, wouldn’t they have stopped being offered, since the worshippers, once purified, would no longer have any consciousness of sins?; For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are sanctified. The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. For after He had said: This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, says the Lord: I will put My laws on their hearts, and I will write them on their minds, He adds: I will never again remember their sins and their lawless acts. 22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, our hearts sprinkled (clean) from an evil conscience and our bodies washed in pure water. Let us hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promise dis faithful. And let us be concerned about one another in order to promote love and good works, not staying away form our meetings, as some habitually do, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.
  • Romans 5:3-5 And not only that, but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. This hope does not disappoint, because God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
  • Daniel 12:10 Many will be purified, cleansed, and refined, but the wicked will act wickedly; none of the wicked will understand, but the wise will understand.
  • 1 Peter 1:3-9 You rejoice in this, though now for a short time you have had to be distressed by various trials so that the genuineness of your faith – more valuable than gold, which perishes though refined by fire- may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
  • Philippians 2: 12 – 15 So then, my dear friends, just as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now even more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God who is working in you, (enabling you) both to will and to act for His good purpose. Do everything without grumbling and arguing, so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God who are faultless in a crooked and perverted generation, among whom you shine like stars in the world. Hold firmly the message of life.
  • pexels-photo-794494.jpeg

Rights, Right, and Righteous Indignation

/ melissamid / 2 Comments

I am an idea person. I have all these great big ideas, but I am rarely in a position to actually make many of my ideas happen. And right now, I have this idea, but I’m not really in a position to make it happen.

You see, like many of you, I have been following the current debate over the protests related to “taking a knee” during the National Anthem at the beginning of football games. Personally, the older I get, the more emotional I become when I hear the National Anthem played, especially since I understand what our freedom means after living outside our country. Many people whom I love and know have served in the military, and I love the United States of America.

Because we live in the United States of America, we have unalienable RIGHTS as stated in the Declaration of Independence and specifically in the Bill of Rights, to freedom of expression.

Yet, many people do not think the protests are being done in the RIGHT way. This then leads to RIGHTEOUS indignation by parties on both sides of the issue. And that is not the only issue of disagreement. Every subject seems to bring out strongly expressed opinions.  My heart is so heavy when I see so much mean and hate-filled comments.

But wait, this article is not a political post. And my idea is coming.

See, we have become a nation divided, and there are so many different sides and issues with people engaging in RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION over the absolute certainty that they are RIGHT and the other side is wrong, that there is no room for grace and mercy in our interactions.

I follow the Proverbs 31 Ministry’s First 5 App, Proverbs 31 First 5 app, and this morning’s devotion was on Lamentations 3:40 – 66. Lamentations is about suffering due to disobedience, and yet, still finding hope. I like to read comments, and I read three that gave me an idea. Darline spoke about moving forward even when things are hard and taking that next step, Diane referenced Elisabeth Eliot’s radio programs and Ms. Eliot’s encouragement to “Do the next thing” when feeling overwhelmed, and Sonja included a prayer asking that we could take a knee to pray and not protest.

So, here’s my idea, or my question. . .

What if we organize some sort of Christian response to pray on our knees for our country and ask for forgiveness?

2 Chronicles 7:14 says, “If my people would humble themselves and pray and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive them and heal their land” (NIV).

Our land is definitely broken, and in our righteous indignation, we are practicing pride. We feel justified to judge and criticize.

In Deuteronomy 6:5, we are given the first commandment, “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” In Matthew 22: 37 – 40, Jesus expands on this while being tested by the Pharisees, “He said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most import command. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.”

As Christians, we are to love God first, and others second.  Yet, it seems expressions and acts of Christ’s love seem to occur more rarely than judgmental and angry statements.  It feels like were being manipulated into a false sense of self-righteousness and defensiveness. Perhaps we have made being RIGHT more important than loving others.

I don’t currently attend any football games, and I don’t know what it would look like to be able to do this without adding to the disrespect to our flag if done during the playing of the National Anthem, but it’s an idea. Maybe it can be done before or after a game. Or maybe at a specific time, like even during halftime. I don’t know. It’s an idea.

What would it mean to have such a public expression of humility and prayer for forgiveness? What would it mean for Christians, and what would it mean for our nation?

Maybe this idea is something someone else knows how to implement. I’m just saying, we aren’t heading in the right direction with all this pride. Let’s continue to pray for one another and treat each other the way we are commanded – with the love of God.

 

Holding It Together

/ melissamid / Leave a comment

Jesus Holds All Things Together

I am grateful for a small break in my classes to be able to write another post. Over the past several months, there have been many papers to write, tests to take, and an “Intensive” week where I was actually staying on campus in a dorm room with a roommate. Ah, just like old times!

I found myself in a true identity crisis last year when the expectations and plans for the empty nest period of my life suddenly evaporated. After taking a season to mourn my lost purpose, I started this blog to share what God has taught me, and continues to teach me, about His faithfulness, His trustworthiness, and His loving-kindness while remaining open to what God’s plan was for me. With the encouragement of my husband, I am now working on a master’s degree for school counseling. Going back to school after more than 20 years has been just a little bit intimidating.

During the months since, with each class and assignment, there have been times when I felt like I wasn’t able to do what was required in the time frame given. When moments of doubt, weakness, and insecurity take hold, it can be difficult to continue giving my best effort. Yet, I know I am not alone, and the only way to fail for certain is to give up. I can’t give up.

2e00d8d7b51d40851f3a45791179b244-motivational-posters-poster-prints

Every adventure and challenge calls for perseverance. But this perseverance only comes when I believe that Jesus knows and provides what I need. And, when I’m only getting a few hours of sleep, isolated from my family and friends, dizzy from staring at the computer screen for hours on end, struggling to make a complete thought, much less an intelligent sounding one, it is easy to give in to the fear that I can’t do it. That this was all a mistake.

I remember having similar thoughts and feelings in my earlier college days. Back then, I didn’t have the level of faith and experience to fully trust God. My confidence, faith, and belief wavered, and while I got through school, I didn’t feel like I had conquered and achieved a victory.

This time is different. I remember and hold onto faith that this task is part of the plan God has for me, and I am able to get through it even when it’s hard – with an expectation of a battle won. He knows what I need, and He sustains me. He holds me together. Sometimes, it is just by the act of a simple prayer thrown up in desperation, and other times, it is in the sweetness of my husband, one of my children, or a friend encouraging me. But through all of it, I find just enough strength to press onward.

You also may be going through a difficult time where things seem to be falling apart or too difficult to manage. But, if you know Christ Jesus, you may allow yourself just enough faith to believe that the One who spoke the world into being is sovereign, and He holds all things together. His plan is bigger than what we can see right now.  He doesn’t show us the whole plan, but He will help us through today.

**I wrote the above last week, before everything happened in Virginia. It may seem our country is falling apart, but let’s remind ourselves of what is true.

John 1:1-2 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)

1 In the beginning was the Word,
and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God.
2 He was with God in the beginning.

Hebrews 1:2-3

2 In these last days, He has spoken to us by His Son. God has appointed Him heir of all things and made the universe through Him. 3 The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact expression of His nature, sustaining all things by His powerful word. After making purification for sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high.

Colossians 1: 15 – 17

15 He is the image of the invisible God,
the firstborn over all creation

16 For everything was created by Him,
in heaven and on earth,
the visible and the invisible,
whether thrones or dominions
or rulers or authorities—
all things have been created through Him and for Him.

17 He is before all things,
and by Him all things hold together.

Not That Big of Deal

/ melissamid / 2 Comments

We’ve talked a lot here about why we should trust God and His love for us. This time, I want to address the holiness of God, especially in the context of obedience. Merriam Webster defines the word holy as “exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness.”

We learn how to obey and respect authority first from our parents. I think it’s safe to say no one grew up with a holy parent. However, generally speaking, they did their best to teach us right from wrong. When I look back on my childhood, I see significant times when I disobeyed my parents and suffered serious consequences. In most cases, I didn’t think what I was doing was a big deal. For example, there were no laws about seatbelts and car seats when I was young. My brother and I both wanted to sit in the front seat while we went with my dad on some errand. My older brother and I are less than 2 years apart, and we were just a little bit competitive with each other. If he had something, then I had to have it, too. I wanted to be just like him, and I wanted the same privileges he enjoyed.

As we were riding along, I proudly leaned against the seat in the space between my dad and brother, standing so I could see out the window. My joy was disrupted upon hearing my brother telling my dad I should get in the back seat because the door wasn’t shut properly. I reacted as one would expect any strong-willed 3 year-old sibling. Speaking clearly, I told them I wouldn’t get in the back unless my brother had to also. My brother and dad were now both frantically telling me to get in the backseat. I thought a compromise would work better such as sitting down instead. Within a matter of seconds, my dad was reaching over to me, enforcing his command. I yelled, “NO,” pulled away from him, and promptly fell out of the car. Thankfully, my dad had already begun slowing down to pull over. I wasn’t hurt badly, but there were some scratches and bruises. It made such an impression on me; I still remember it to this day. I rebelled and got hurt.

Both my older brother and my dad recognized the danger I didn’t. I was certain I would not fall out of the car, and I had no idea when I pulled away I was that close to the door. I reasoned if my brother could stay in the front without falling out, I could too. I didn’t want to be denied the pleasure and importance of sitting up front.

romans323

How many times has God told us the right way to live,
and we have refused to listen? Perhaps we think this small act of disobedience doesn’t really matter. It’s not that big of a deal. Maybe we rationalize our choices and actions based on what we think is fair. Maybe we just want to have fun and think if it doesn’t hurt anyone else, then we can handle the consequences. For me, that could be sitting on the sofa playing just one more game connecting brightly colored candy. It’s not that big of a deal, until I realize I’ve been playing over an hour, my family has all gone to bed, and I’ve lost that time with them. Or, maybe we think we won’t actually be punished.

 

These thoughts are just the little ways we eventually find ourselves further from God than we realized. To our Holy God, even a little sin matters and separates us from Him. We can’t fully appreciate His perfect goodness and righteousness when we don’t understand it. When I try to fathom what it means that God is holy, and I am not, I feel intimidated. How can I approach the one, true, Holy God when I know how sinful I am? If we stop there, we allow fear to paralyze us. God is Holy, and God is love. It is because of His holy love that He offers grace to us. Remembering this allows us to approach Him with humility and confidence instead of fear. Perfect love drives out fear. (1 John 4:18)

One day, all of us will stand before God – even those who don’t believe in Him now. Remember, God is not dependent on our belief or unbelief. He is real. God will judge each of us. Some will be found righteous and have eternal life, while those who refused His mercy and grace will perish. Our righteousness has nothing to do with our works, but with our faith in the grace He has provided through Jesus Christ.

Below I’ve listed verses for you to read about think about this week. I’ve linked each verse to biblehub.com, where you can see the verse in context or read different translations. These verses are from a list of scriptures used by an organization I’ve been part of called Moms In Prayer. I hope they guide your thoughts this week as you consider God’s holiness.

New Living Translation
No one is holy like the LORD! There is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God. 1 Samuel 2:2

Holman Christian Standard Bible
God, Your way is holy. What god is great like God? Psalm 77:13

New Living Translation
But the LORD of Heaven’s Armies will be exalted by his justice. The holiness of God will be displayed by his righteousness. Isaiah 5:16

New International Version
Who will not fear you, Lord, and bring glory to your name? For you alone are holy. All nations will come and worship before you, for your righteous acts have been revealed.” Revelation 15:4

Exodus 15:11           Psalm 99                    Psalm 111:9              Isaiah 57:15-16

Luke 1:49               Acts 3:13-15            1 Peter 1:15-16           Revelation 4:8

 

 

 

 

 

If You Love Me . . .

/ melissamid / 1 Comment

 

Last week, I included the verse, John 14:23. “Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.” (NIV)

Some of you may be more familiar with the verse that came a little earlier in the chapter, “If you love me, keep my commands.”  John 14:15 (NIV) This is the kind of short, easy verse some of us may have memorized in Sunday School when we were young.

I have trouble with this verse because it sounds conditional. I’ve always been under the impression God’s love is unconditional, so why the ‘if . . . then’ statement? “If you love me” has always struck me as a manipulative phrase. I would never have trusted that coming from anyone without suspecting an ulterior motive was at its core or the person didn’t trust my love for its own sake. Is God trying to manipulate me? Do I have to prove my love to Him? Doesn’t He already know my heart? This just doesn’t seem right. I already know trying to be good doesn’t work.

Remember, if we don’t study scripture in context, we won’t understand it properly. What we have here is the record of a conversation between Jesus Christ and His disciples shortly before his crucifixion. Read the following with a little more context:

15 “If you love me, keep my commands. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[a] in you. 18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21 Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”

Jesus is explaining to His followers that once He has died, been resurrected, and ascended to heaven, He will send His Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Truth, to remain with them. He will not leave them alone in this world. Rather than a manipulative statement, John 14:15 is actually a cause and effect statement. If the love of Christ is in us, we will keep His commands – because we love Him. Each part of the trinity is at work for the unity of love. Keeping His commands is a direct result of the love of God alive in us. Here’s one more verse, again, just a little bit earlier:

11Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves.

In this verse, Jesus says at the very least, His good work is evidence of the Father in Him. By comparison, our keeping the command to love God first, and loving others, is evidence of our knowledge and belief in Jesus Christ. Our obedience comes from the love God Himself gives us and empowers through the Holy Spirit.

There are some conditional statements by God throughout the Bible. Mostly, those have to do with promises. Even the covenant between Abraham and God was dependent on the Israelites keeping their side of the agreement.

5 Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine, 6 you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.’ These are the words you are to speak to the Israelites.” Exodus 19:5 – 6 (NIV)

Much of God’s promises depend on our being faithful or obedient. We make choices. In the Old Testament times, they had the prophets, laws, and sacrifices. Today, we still have the law, which let’s us know of our need for redemption, we have salvation through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and we have the Holy Spirit to help guide us into truth.

God does not need to manipulate us. Manipulation occurs when someone needs to cause another to do something that serves a selfish purpose. God doesn’t need anything from us, and He certainly isn’t selfish.  Think about this:

12if we endure, we will also reign with Him; if we deny Him, He will also deny us; 13if we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.14Remind the believers of these things, charging them before God to avoid quarreling over words; this is in no way profitable, and leads its listeners to ruin. 2 Timothy 2:13 (NLT)

Let me encourage you. I write about this because I want you to trust God’s love for you. I want you to understand the truth. The truth is God is love. Love is patient. So, God is patient. He does know you, and He wants a relationship with you. God is not dependent on any of us. He’s trustworthy. He’s also forgiving. That’s the whole point of the cross. Our obedience is derived out of our love for Him.  Living things grow.  The more our love grows, the deeper relationship we have with Him, and the stronger our desire is to obey Him.  It takes time.  Let it grow!

Blind to Love

/ melissamid / 3 Comments

We cannot love without trust, nor trust without love.

This is true in friendships, marriages, and our relationship with God. I may say I know God loves me, but there are times when it doesn’t seem true. His love doesn’t seem real when things are bad and prayers are unanswered. Often, this mistrust shows up in my ignoring Him, acting in ways contrary to His law, or refusing His will and grace. John 14:23 says, “Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.” (NIV) If I disobey, does that mean God doesn’t love me? Or, will He love me less? How do I know? To clarify things, let’s ask the primary question: Do I trust God’s love for me?

For me, the answer is – sometimes. There are times when I feel so secure in God’s love for me that I believe I can do and go anywhere, and I can feel His Spirit right there with me. Other times, I feel like I’m in the dark, hidden, and forgotten. I just can’t see it.

When I was about 12 years old, it occurred to me the only time my mom called me was to do some chore. I decided to test it. I hid in an out of the way place to see if she missed me, or to see if she only came looking for me because she wanted me to do something. After a while, she did come searching for me – because she had a chore for me. The thought stuck in my head, “See, your mom doesn’t really love you. She just wants you to work for her. That’s the only good thing your mom sees about you.” Now, I know that is a brazen lie. I knew it then, too, but I was angry and let the thought fester and grow. Requests for help after that were an echo and reinforcement of that lie. I like to help. The lie undermined our relationship for a while and stole the joy I should have felt at being kind and helpful.

Coincidentally, I believed that God showed favor on people who served in the ministry more than those who didn’t. If I really loved God, and He thought I was good enough, He would call me into church ministry. He didn’t. I came to understand God’s love for me was obligatory. Generally, as in For God so loved the world, and I was part of the general world.

Maybe you also believe lies about the love God has for us. It’s a lot like the doubt the serpent put in Eve’s mind. “Did God really say . . . . ..” (Genesis 3:1) The things that make us doubt God’s love for us and keep us from trusting Him can come from places of real pain and hardship. It can be prayers spoken year after year before seeing an answer, if at all. It can be rejection from someone who is supposed to love you; cutting you to the quick. It can be circumstances that seem impossible to overcome like health issues, financial needs, and broken relationships. Or, it can be things you’ve done you think are unforgivable. How do we know God loves us when things are so hard?

God wants a relationship with us more than good works. His level of love is not determined by whether we are good enough, our circumstances, or any of the other trials we face. Instead, trusting God’s love increases as we spend more time getting to know God and understanding His ways. This helps us get through trials with greater confidence and peace. When we trust God’s love, we can serve Him in obedience, whether it’s in church ministry, at home, or elsewhere. Trust also helps us accept His grace and run to Him when we mess up.

Don’t let yourself be blind to the love God has for you. Determine to find ways to spend time getting to know Him. His love for you often shows up in scripture, prayer time, music, acts of kindness or service through other people, and even displays in nature. If you doubt God’s love for you, allow the Holy Spirit to show you what is causing the doubt. Then wait and see. Listen. Be still. He is faithful. You may find He’s been showing you He loves you all along.

Here are some places to start.  Because God made you, He knows everything about you. He will meet you where you are if you are willing.

New Living Translation
You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. Psalm 139:16

New Living Translation
But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. Romans 5:8

English Standard Version
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

New Living Translation
May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ. 2 Thessalonians 3:5

Berean Study Bible http://biblehub.com/context/1_john/4-15.htm
15If anyone confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16And we have come to know and believe the love that God has for us. God is love; whoever abides in love abides in God, and God in him. 17In this way, love has been perfected among us, so that we may have confidence on the day of judgment; for in this world we are just like Him.  18There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. The one who fears has not been perfected in love. 19We love because He first loved us.

What is love?

/ melissamid / Leave a comment

Hi Friends,

I missed posting last week due to an exciting development I want to share.  I’m pressing forward with going back to school for a master’s degree in school counseling.  I had to take the GRE with very short notice and took all the time I could to prepare for it.  The test has been taken with some measure of success.  It’s another part of moving forward while I’m waiting.  It won’t be an easy or quick undertaking, but at least now I’m putting the dream to action.  It’s kind of funny.  I was spurred to talk to my husband more seriously about it by a number of events; one of my former co-teachers encouraged me in that direction, a late night phone call, and  . . . the music and theme in my exercise class, Body and Soul.  The theme being, “What’s Next.”  Really.  My husband provided the final push to set it in motion.

One more thing, in my last post, I invited you to join me with doing the Entrusted Bible study by Beth Moore.  It’s a 6 week study on 2 Timothy.  Because I live where the big snowstorm came through, we didn’t get to start it.  Our first session will be this coming week.  I would love to know if you are participating with me by leaving a quick comment.  Even if you can’t do the Bible study with a group, you can still read the scripture, contribute to the discussions, and benefit from sharing in the experience.  Depending on your response, I may do a separate post for 2 Timothy on Wednesday’s or Thursday’s for the duration.

In the meantime, I want to continue with the purpose and theme of this blog:  inspiring others to grow in faith and love.  Or in other words, help each of us become healthier Christians.  I’ve been thinking about what makes a healthy church and  a strong Christian for a while.  One of the challenges we face is learning how to love properly.  We may say the words, we may love to a certain degree, but do we understand what it means to truly love?  I sincerely believe growing in faith, having healthy relationships, and getting closer to God, is learning how to love well.

The first commandment is, “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” Deuteronomy 6:5 (NIV)  We are also instructed to love our neighbors as ourselves.  Then of course, there is 1 Corinthians 13: 4 – 8.  (ESV)

4 eLove is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  8 Love never ends. 

I know I can’t love like that with all my prejudices and self-centeredness.  I can’t love others, much less God, in my own strength.  More importantly, do we believe God really loves us like that?  If not, therein lies some of the trouble.  If I don’t trust that God really loves me in the way love is described in 1 Corinthians 13, how can I love Him with my whole heart, soul, and strength?  Not to mention loving other people.

We are told God is love, “The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:8 (HCSB)  Also, throughout Psalm 136, the constant refrain is, “His love endures forever.”  Of course, there is also John 3:16, “For God loved the world in this way: He gave His One and Only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.” (HCSB)

English is sadly inept in describing all the different values and degrees of what we call love.  The kind of love here is agapaó; from Greek.  There is a book called, “The Four Loves,” written by C. S. Lewis, in which you can read more about the different kinds of love.  If you are someone inclined to want to know more, I recommend reading this book.  I think you will find it enlightening.

Spend some time this week thinking about who,what, and how you love.  My prayer for you is that not only will you be inspired to love better, but you will also be reminded, personally, of the extent of God’s love for you.  May each of us abide in the love of Christ!

img_1937

Next week, I plan on focusing more on what happens when we accept God’s love for us.